4/5/02: “Robot Parade” with the glockenspiel song setting up “Shoehorn with Teeth,” which I saw a bunch of times but had forgotten about—soooooooo great.
I’m always impressed that they can manage to make the Children’s Version of “Robot Parade” get all ROCKIN’ at the end there. I mean, obviously not to the level of the Adult Version, but that’s a pretty fucking high bar. I’m not saying their kids’ songs can’t be rockin’ (“John Lee Supertaster,” anyone?), but it’s just impressive in this case cos it so is not on the album.
I still remember the first time I saw this video—it came out during my fandom hiatus, so everyone had long since seen it by the time I did. And I was talking to a couple of friends of mine and I was like “JOHN IN A TUX HOT DAMN” and then I was like “wait why the fuck is there a bear” and then I was like “WAIT WHY THE FUCK IS THE BEAR FLANS.” But since Flans totally is a big cuddly teddybear and also “Violin” is entirely about randomness I suppose it isn’t completely nonsensical. (Also JOHN IN A TUX IS STILL A VERY GOOD THING, in case you were wondering.)
I swear to fucking god THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH HIM. He manages to make fucking CHILDREN’S SONGS CREEPY.
Like, “The House at the Top of the Tree” sounds all cute and silly right BUT THEN YOU GET TO THE END AND IT’S ALL LIKE “OH BTW IF THE DOG HAD BEEN EVEN SLIGHTLY LATER WITH THOSE POTATO CHIPS THEN THAT MOUSE WAS GONNA FUCKING EAT YOU LOL.” Are these the kind of bedtime stories he would tell Henry? All cute and innocent and then SUDDENLY TERRIFYING and then “OK GOODNIGHT SWEET DREAMS!”
And of course let’s not forget about the entirely logical decision of “Hmmm I have this really upsetting song about STRANGLING YOURSELF TO DEATH, hey I know what I’ll do I’LL CHANGE THAT SO IT’S A KIDS’ SONG THAT IS WHERE THIS IDEA LEADS ME.” Um what. WHAT.
And I don’t know how many people agree with me about this but “Sleepwalkers” is creepy as fuck too. LITTLE ARMY OF ZOMBIE CHILDREN? It seems like they want something but we don’t know what it is. IT’S YOUR BLOOD, JOHN. OBVIOUSLY.
So, in summary, John Linnell is secretly a serial killer. Just so you know.