Was telling Ant about going to Value Village today, where they have the Halloween costumes out, and of course there’s the usual array of “Sexy _____” for women (including Sexy Mario and Sexy Luigi, which I think has to win some sort of award for most inappropriate).
Anyway, he asked me if they had “Sexy Old Man,” which THEY TOTALLY SHOULD. I said that would obviously have to come with a toy accordion and black glasses, and he said, “Don’t forget the fake bad teeth!” and you know what? I think they do have those—they call them, like, “Hillbilly Teeth” or something like that. Well WHATEVER.
And then I was sad, because I could totally dress up like John if I didn’t have this damn ridiculous thick curly hair (I’ve certainly never seen a floppy-hair wig—THEY CANNOT REPLICATE JOHN’S HAIR BECAUSE IT IS TOO AMAZING) and if I still had my pair of glasses like his. I already have an accordion and, like, half his wardrobe, soooooooooooo.
My pal Ant just snagged a copy of How to Master Time Organization, the cassette the sample in “Snowball in Hell” is from! SO EXCITING.
Things I love about this picture:
1. Spazzy adorableness
2. Converse HELL YES
3. THOSE FUCKING ARMS OF HIS. GODDAMN. No matter how much weight he may have gained elsewhere, his sexy sexy arms are still skeletal, and that’s the part of him where I’ve always been most turned on by the skeletalness, so you have no idea how thrilled I am by pictures that really showcase it like this. SKIN AND BONES AND THOSE SEXY VEINS. That is all that his arms are composed of. And then his HANDS and those LONG BONY FINGERS and oh my GOD, John Linnell. YOU.
via my pal antgeth, who says “they’re cuddling”
This is so cute. I am going to start a band just so I can make cassettes and have them cuddle with the TMBG Demo Tape. Also for those of y’all already hip to it, Cassette Fighter is a fab band composed of Apollo and Nicky and this is their new EP!
Actually if you want to get technical what I said was “GO AHEAD AND HAVE LEGS, JOHN, SEE IF IC ARE” because when I get really excited about John I completely lose my ability to type, to the point that Ant made a fucking Urban Dictionary definition for my most common typo. MY FAV PART OF THE DEFINITION IS THE EXAMPLE SENTENCE BECAUSE OH YES JOHN LINNELL’S ABS ARE DEFINITELY HIS SEXIEST FEATURE. When I asked Ant about this he was like, “Um, I had to make it sound like a guy A NORMAL PERSON WOULD FIND ATTRACTIVE.” LOLOLOLOL
Also oh my GOD when I went to look at Urban Dictionary to get this link just now the entry of the day I guess it is, is “manbecue: ".An even more manly version of a BBQ. Absolutely no vegetables allowed. It basically consists of a lot of beer and meat. There is usually a lot of yelling and loud music involved." AND I AM CRACKING UP RIGHT NOW. BECAUSE IT’S SO STUPID. BUT ALSO UM. Going to just assume I’ve talked about my JOHN-LINNELL-INDUCED GRILLING FETISH enough by now for people to know why this is relevant.
No, my JOHN LINNELL GRILLING FANTASIES, WHICH I ACTUALLY HAVE, sure as hell do not involve beer and yelling and loud music. BUT THEY DO INVOLVE MEAT AND NO VEGETABLES (nevermind that my little vegetarian self would then have NOTHING TO EAT). BIG BLOODY STEAKS. THAT IS WHAT JOHN GRILLS. WELL. “BEING A GUY.”
And no it is NOTcontradictory to follow up basically talking about how he’s so NOT manly with talking about how he so IS manly. LEAVE ME ALONE.
I JUST ACCIDENTALLY GAVE ANT THE IDEA OF JOHN BEING A LIBERTARIAN AND NOW HE’S TRYING TO FIND EVIDENCE FOR IT AND IT ISN’T FUNNY
(3:25:49 PM) typewrittengirl: wow
(3:25:51 PM) typewrittengirl: i’m always like
(3:25:59 PM) typewrittengirl: impressed when flans manages to look goofier than john
(3:26:02 PM) typewrittengirl: SO STRANGE
(3:26:26 PM) antgeth: unlike john he’s really good at intentionally looking goofy
I am going to attempt to make a year-by-year spreadsheet of John’s hotness and even though I’m just doing it for myself it feels like SO MUCH PRESSURE. Like, HOW DO I PROPERLY ENCAPSULATE EXACTLY HOW GOOD HE LOOKS IN ANY GIVEN YEAR? I want to make sure I do it right. THESE THINGS ARE IMPORTANT.
I have been mentally categorizing album eras for awhile but I decided it was a better idea to do it yearly because sometimes there will be a big difference in the in-between years. Like, ok, 2011, Join Us time, is DAMN good for him cos that was when his wrinkles really started to show. But 2010 was actually better cos 2010 was The Year of the Manccordion.
I got the idea from the spreadsheet Ant and Apollo already made of my annual opinions on Flans. I don’t even know why they did this—THEY ARE RIDICULOUS. The impressive thing though is that they didn’t even, like, ask my opinion on Flans at different times—they just paid attention to various things I would say here and there, and obviously I don’t make that many comments on these things. So, props to them for the detective work I suppose.